my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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