Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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