Old men and throwing up are my life now.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
