you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
