I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
