We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
