Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
