It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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