Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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