We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
