oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
