doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
