I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
