You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
