4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
