My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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