It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
