They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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