he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my shit smells like andre
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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