Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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