you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
