I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
