He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
