omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
