I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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