oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
