She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
