I can't watch pbs sober anymore
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
