I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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