Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
