I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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