I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
