I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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