She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
