he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
