In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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