Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
