i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize