Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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