i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
