We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
