Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
