I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
