just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
