So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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