Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
