i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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