My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
