Soap is not a condiment
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
