Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
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you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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