Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
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