Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
