Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
