I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just want nice things and good sex
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
