Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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