oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
