If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The air was thick with penises
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
