Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
