strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize