so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
