if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
