Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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