I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
