This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
