when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize