I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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