Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
