tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
