just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
