if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
