You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
