and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
