I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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