i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
