you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
