Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
organizing the empties. That sober.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
