lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
