Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
