please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
