Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my poor anus
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize