Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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