You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They took my balls.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
