New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
